What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 27.06.2025 04:47
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I think the readers, may guess!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But, we were locked up after school.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
If you get a chance to have sex with either Kajal Agarwal or Samantha, who would you choose and why?
I was scared of men, in general
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
When she asked me how she looked .
Why does an older married man turn bisexual?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I will be 64.
What should I expect after a BBL surgery?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
What is your favorite underrated movie and why? What makes it underrated? How did you find it?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He knew the spot.
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The only rule us 5 kids had .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
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One cannot live in the past .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
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It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
How do you choose sunscreen for oily skin?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Why do Christians think voting for Trump is any better than voting for Kamala Harris?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I write beautiful poetry .
She found it foreign!.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We were not on the streets..
Who then, do I blame.?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I waited trembling.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But it wasn’t much.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My life is so biszare .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I never cut or harmed myself..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She wouldn,t have been !
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She loved him until the end.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why did i forgive my father ?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And i lived it daily.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
What did i know ?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She was in good health!
Put me off passion for life!!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was seconnd youngest,
Especially a lifetime of it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So, i spoilt her more .
He resisted the act ,that day.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
All the time i was locked up.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She married twice! .
(And it was in our own minds.)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Would this be the day?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Was to survive, this bastard.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Comes on , in middle age.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Ive learnt so much.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
This is soul school!.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was very sick at this time too.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I have no regrets .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im still living with it.
My family never makes their pension either.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It was going to be , some day.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We all went to grammer schools
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I said to her
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
So whats the point in blame.
I was 9 years of age.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My mum and dad in the seventies!